come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize