You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
