did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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