I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
