We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
