Midget sex pt 2 tonight
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
