Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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