I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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