hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
