it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
