getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
