You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
