dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
