am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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