You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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