Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
