Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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