just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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