checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
