I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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