Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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