haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
