let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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