Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
