Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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