speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
