Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
