I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
