The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
