The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
