Kareoke will never be a sober sport
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
