I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
