You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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