its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
