I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there's paper in my vomit.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
