How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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