Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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