So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
