Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Randomize
