oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
