Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
