'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
