I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize