omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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