There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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