Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
