you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
