Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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