between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
