We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
