i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
