i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
