i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
