I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
