There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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