we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
