I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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