It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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