We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
