I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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