yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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