He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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