I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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