I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
